subedarruhit: Today, without telling me, he applied for a mortgage on our house to ...

Welcome to the Sober Recovery Community

Already registered? Login above ---^

To take advantage of all the site?s features, become a member of the supportive Sober Recovery Community. Ads will no longer appear on the forums if you are a registered user

Yesterday, 05:16 PM

? #1 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Jun 2012

Posts: 219

Today, without telling me, he applied for a mortgage on our house to pay me my half

as if I weren't on the deed. I think he did that because he thought I agreed to it. Last night he wrote me an e-mail and then called me and told me he thought the only reason I wasn't settling the financial stuff was that I didn't want to divorce him and he would renounce sex and take me back. Tucked in there on the screen was the phrase "and I love you".

I answered the phone without thinking. He said, after chiding me for not having already bought myself a house because housing prices are suddenly going up, and by the spring they may be up 20% and I might be shut out of the market. He will take me back and I am making a big mistake. BIGGGGGGG mistake. It was very upsetting, and I finally figured out the way he framed his offer, he would be a martyr, renouncing sex for a frigid stupid worthless woman who didn't have the intelligence to follow the wise plan he laid out for her.

I finally gathered my wits together and told him I did not want to co-own the house, I did want a divorce because nothing was fixed, and I wanted my money for my half of the house. I finally figured out to get off the phone, and I got hit with a wave of grief and self doubt and crying.

Then I hear tonight that he has already applied for and probably gotten a mortgage (it's probably true, it's our major bank that has held our accounts for years), and we don't have any other settlement. This is the major thing I want, aside from my tool value being reasonable for my jewelry studio.

But my e-mail account is frozen since Comcast messed up transferring it from his name to mine, and I can't get the details he sent me.

The rest of it could probably be worked out readily without all the intense scrutiny my lawyer wants me to do.

I'm in, I'm out, I'm loved, I'm being replaced tonight, what the h*;; is going on? Just don't know what to think. If he's really capitulating and giving me the major stuff I want, then do I do minimal work on the other financial stuff and take it and run? It seems like all he really wants is not to be alone, either to have me come back, or someone else in my place.

Today he evidently applied for, and thinks he got, a mortgage on half the house that we both own as if he owned it solely, and he said "that's what you want, isn't it?" as he told me he was going out with another woman tonight. I said yes, but I didn't mean that I wanted to agree that we've settled everything without even talking to my lawyer.

Maybe he's just being cagey and trying to set the price very low.

Help. I can't e-mail him, he's out of cell phone range and probably on a date, and I am so totally frustrated. What to do? How to see this? I need help getting my head on straight here. Swivel-head phenomenon again.

BothSidesNow

Yesterday, 05:33 PM

? #4 (permalink)

I'm no angel!

Join Date: May 2005

Location: tampa, fl

Posts: 5,553

I am a little confused, if he has applied for a mortgage in his name only and uses that money to pay off the first mortgage and pay you half the value of the home (buyout) you would then have to sign off your rights to the home. To me, it all hinges on whether the intent is to pay off the first mortgage or not. Even in a divorce situation if you are on the intial mortgage and not released due to a sale or new financing, you are still responsible.

I too would not agree to anything, all this should be handled from attorney to attorney.

He is just playing you with the drama of getting back together with you, he has moved on it's all about manipulation and to keep you off balance. Unfortunately, divorce is nothing but a seperation of assets, a martial settlement agreement, he trying to play both ends against the middle.

Remain calm, you can email him from the library or take your laptop to McD's, Panera or anywhere else that they offer free wifi.

The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to dollydo For This Useful Post:

Yesterday, 05:39 PM

? #6 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Apr 2008

Location: Somewhere Out There

Posts: 10,820

I agree. Stop talking to him. He is TRYING to confuse you and it's working. Let your attorney handle all this. That's what you pay him for.

__________________
We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words.
- Anna Sewell -

So oftentimes it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key.
- The Eagles

The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:

The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Hollyanne For This Useful Post:

Yesterday, 06:19 PM

? #8 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Mar 2012

Posts: 819

Good God, he is a piece of work.

I heard the date thing too, lol, it's smoke and mirrors, how does he get to take out a second mortgage on a home without you signing off on it, you are co owners, am I missing something. Call the bank in the morning, tell them to talk to you lawyer, or better yet tell them to make that check payable to you.

He set the bait, you took it, I did it many many many times.

You are smart, you are wise, you are beautiful, he is an alcoholic, nuff said???

__________________
?There's no coming to consciousness without pain.?
? C.G. Jung

Yesterday, 06:21 PM

? #9 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Mar 2012

Posts: 819

BSN, you have been through a lot.

You have done a lot of work, this is just a set back.

It will pass.

__________________
?There's no coming to consciousness without pain.?
? C.G. Jung

Yesterday, 07:30 PM

? #10 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Aug 2012

Posts: 91

BSN,
I believe you still have rights to that house if you are on the deed. The check he gets to buy you out doesn't change that. You would have to agree to a quit claim deed or something like that and transfer your ownership to him. Take your time. Call your lawyer.
I agree, that you took the bait he put out there. But I also know that you are strong, smart and sensible.
He's put you into a tailspin trying to intimidate you with complicated financial matters ----which he likely knows is a weakspot for you. Creep!!!!

Stay strong .

Hugs,
MamaKit

The Following User Says Thank You to MamaKit For This Useful Post:

Yesterday, 07:40 PM

? #11 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Jun 2012

Posts: 219

We don't have a second mortgage; we own the house free and clear. He is evidently pretending that he owns it all to the bank, and wants to borrow half of what a real estate salesperson said the market value might be. I guess he expects me to sign the house over to him, probably retroactive to his filing for the mortgage? Who knows?

I am supposed to go along with this lie so that he can get me my money, and if he doesn't get the mortgage, he will be bitter because I forced him to sell the house.

I have taken your advice and forwarded both of his e-mails go my attorney and asked him to contact AH's lawyer and require that all contact be through the lawyers. I've also asked my lawyer to notify the court that I want my new address protected. So far I haven't given it to anyone except my children and very close friends. All other contact is going to my son's address. I also told my lawyer that I want him to ask for AH to pay my legal fees because of the upset he keeps causing.

This is so awful. It's like he has a lasso out there and swings it around and around and sometimes I let down my guard and get caught. I just want to move on. I need to make No Contact really work.

Thank you for all your support - - it means so much.

BothSidesNow